Growing up, my grandma and mom were forces in the kitchen. They made all our meals, even if that wasn’t what I wanted. Breakfast? Eggs or cereal. Lunch? Quick vegetable noodles if we were lucky. Dinner? Fresh roti, daal, and some sabzi at minimum. It was like a full-time restaurant that never closed.

And me? I used to hate eating Indian food. Always reaching for noodles or pizza. Never learned to cook much either growing up, as my nanima could attest to the time I made her uncooked chana daal. My mom said to soak and boil some yellow daal for dinner. How was I supposed to know the difference between the varieties of the yellow in the rainbow of daals! I proudly served it to the entire family and even took it too my grandparents, chachi, chacha and cousin’s house. My cousin later told me Grandpa said it was “the worst daal he had ever eaten.” Honestly, fair.

Then I got married to a man who grew up loving Bikanervala and Haldiram’s chole bhature. I mean, how do you compete with that? I tried my best. Sometimes he even says, “Wow, this is almost like restaurant food!” (ALMOST, being the keyword!)

For years, I wanted every meal to impress him and then the kids came along. Four little food critics. I did baby-led weaning for kids #2-4, and made the rookie mistake of purees for #1 (the poor child). Now they’re all mini foodies with very strong opinions.
They’ll ask for pakoras, puris, bhindi, aloo gobi, rajma, kala chana, the whole rainbow of daals, basically a full Indian wedding spread. And heaven forbid I make something “boring.”

But you know what? It’s… a lot.

I was once even told that breakfast on the weekends should not be simple eggs or a quick instant oatmeal. The kids and my husband should get a variety and something more exotic on the weekends. I remember turning around and saying, “I can only do so much and I am tired.”

Most weekends, I spend five hours meal-prepping for the week. Mondays and Wednesdays: daal and two sabzis. Tuesday: aloo paratha. Thursday and Friday: takeout. Weekends? Leftovers of the Indian food, fresh aloo paratha prepared for the next week, or the meals I am prepping for the next week. If not, it’s Goodles with some sad, overcooked veggies and a sprinkle of “sorry, Mom tried.”

A few Sundays ago, as the kids were giggling with my husband and I was cutting paneer yet again, I had this realization:

Our culture treats “ghar ka khana” (home-cooked food) as sacred. “Maa ke haath ka khana” (mother’s food) is the gold standard. And yes, it’s wholesome and nourishing. But somewhere along the way, my self-worth got tied to how many rotis I rolled out by hand.

My husband is the fun parent, the “throws them in the air and onto the couch” kind of dad. Meanwhile, I call out “Lunch time!” and get a chorus of, “Indian… AGAIN?” Excuse me, these are the same children who just requested kala chana and bhindi three days ago!

Once upon a time, while we were dating, I loved cooking. I used to love trying to make new meals for my husband, at the time he was my boyfriend, and I even started making Indian food that wasn’t uncooked! I actually wrote my med school essay about experimenting in the kitchen with blending my grandma’s recipes, my mom’s touch, and my own twist. Cooking used to be an art. A part of love. Creation. Now? It’s admin work with haldi (tumeric) stains. Add to it that meal times are my biggest trigger as a parent. Sitting there trying to make sure the kids feed themselves, without any distractions, and all the things that make for an Insta worthy household, right? I have slowly started to let go. And it’s hard. I fully support you doing what you need to to survive meal time! Do what you need to in order to get through a meal! We have done screens, books, toys, Alexa, etc. You have full permission to do what you works best for you to survive.

But here’s what I’m learning:
It’s okay if ghar ka khana doesn’t always come from my hands.
It’s okay if some nights dinner is frozen Trader Joe’s butter chicken or pancakes at 5 p.m.

Because I’d rather spend my Sunday laughing with my kids than caramelizing onions while they play without me. Food can still be love but so can just being there, unburdened.

The last two weeks, I decided to go easy on the expectation and order a meal service. It has worked well for our family, and the kids actually enjoy it! Looking into what works best for your family is the best choice you can make. Stay healthy, yes, and look into affordable options for you and your family. Even meal prepping simple Trader Joe’s meals for the week. Come up with a plan that works for YOU and keeps YOU and your family happy and healthy. It is okay to eat leftovers a few times over (I promise the kids may complain but they will survive!) and it is totally okay to give them what you are eating! Makes life a little easier to not have to be a gourmet chef to multiple different orders! You do what you think is best for you, that keeps you happy! My main motto for this blog and for this community is to always do what is best for YOU. No judgement here. We have been through it all, and we know it all gets better.

So no, I’m not giving up ghar ka khana. I’m just redefining it. It is okay to order CookUnity some weeks. Maybe breakfast for dinner some nights. Maybe buttered pasta with veggies. The kids will still cuddle before bed. They’ll still want stories. And I’ll still be their mom, just not their personal chef on a timer. I don’t have to rush to put them to nap on the weekends just so I can make use of that time to cook, I could just sit and relax instead. This is the current phase of life that I am in. If you are in a different phase of life, and baking bread is what you enjoy and what works for you, then that is amazing for you! Keep up with it! One of my cousins mentioned how she made fresh bread one day and I know that joy will come back again to me in the kitchen. One day maybe I will be in that phase of life where I will be back to trying new recipes just to try and not feel the pressure of also doing ALL the other things for the house, laundry, cleaning out backpacks, and managing the weekly schedule for the kids.

Sure, some weekends we’ll roll out chole bhature together as a family. Last weekend, I made the kids fresh samosas. And this time I felt so much more at ease because the next day, we ate frozen veggies and a frozen pasta bake. I wasn’t stressed about the next meal while making the current one. But if next weekend I want to order in and just sit, I think that’s perfectly fine too. And for you too.

Moderation is the secret ingredient here. Trying your best is what we need to strive for. Trying to survive and thrive. It is important to temper expectations: on yourself and on our community of parents. Let’s all give ourselves some credit for feeding, loving, and keeping our families going, however we do it.

Because in the end, the unmade meal might just be the most nourishing one of all.