Spring break is over! We traveled to visit Dh’s family, in a town he visited almost every summer. We have taken trips before with the kids, and this one felt different. It felt like we were going home. We got showered with love, given the opportunity to drink hot coffee, and enjoyed the fun activities this town had to offer for kids. It felt full circle, bringing the kids to a place where their father grew up. It was lovely.

Now before you start envisioning a sweet, coordinated family adventure with grateful children, let me stop you right there.

There was yelling ‘Diarrhea!’ through security again. There was crying in the middle of the night where I had to hold A’s hand for 2 hours while sitting next to him. There was jet lag that turned everyone into a slightly more feral version of themselves. There were moments when I looked at Dh with that silent married-person look that signifies, “I cannot believe this is our life.”

And also, it was one of the most meaningful trips we’ve ever taken.

We talked about it last night, why this trip taught us so much. I think the main thing was that we had lowered our expectations this time around. We knew that the line through security would be hell, we knew we would be carrying so much stuff through the airport while running after the kids, we knew that wrangling 4 kids down the jet bridge and onto the airplane down the aisle while carrying 2 car seats and a diaper bag would be difficult. And yet, we did it and even enjoyed it. We even managed to make the smallest connection between flights, where Dh ran ahead with three kids and I carried 1 kid, 2 car seats, and 3 backpacks with me as airport carts whizzed by ignoring my pleas to pick us up. This time, there was no getting mad at each other. There was just a well-oiled machine chugging along, getting things done to make it to the next point.

What really surprised me was that despite our hushed threats about losing an episode of Bluey if they didn’t get up off the floor after them yelling ‘He touched my penis!’ at his brother through security, the kids repaired with us. We held our ground on things that mattered, and that meant there were tears and raised voices before there was understanding. My husband and I were proud of ourselves for following through on boundaries, even when the kids would yell and scream more. And afterwards, as the kids would take a few minutes to reset, they would say, “Sorry mama for biting you. I love you.” I love you too, kid. I love you too.

And speaking of reset, I learned something about the kids on this trip. We all reset in different ways. For my husband, it’s alone time or tennis. For my eldest, V, it was sneaking to a different room and reading quietly, and then wanting to talk about what happened. For my second, H, it was asking me to scratch his back while he lay on my lap. For A, it was simply picking him up while he was thrashing himself on the floor and taking him into another room and singing the days of the week. For D, it was giving him a tight hug to calm his nervous system down.

I still need to learn what it means for me to reset. I still had moments where things got to me. I stayed quiet to keep the peace, while really having a hard time on the inside. I do think therapy helped me not react as much as I would have. I am still learning. I have not fully grown yet.

Overall, I think a lot of the meltdowns happened because the kids were overtired from even just a three-hour time difference. Usually H and A are the ones that melt down the most with time changes or lack of sleep. This time, V had a rough time the first night. His eyes were bloodshot, he was arguing about everything, getting really close to my face and rebutting everything I asked. We went to a different room, I gave him a book, and I sat with him silently as he picked it up and started reading. A few minutes later, he looked at me and asked, “Can we talk about it?” And that is when I learned what he needed to reset. Poor guy was tired and needed some quiet time.

While we were boarding the last leg of our journey, after a very long flight with vomiting, tantrums, biting, and refused naps, an elderly gentleman walked by us and asked to give the kids a dollar. He said he has three kids who are all grown now with kids of their own, and he remembers these difficult journeys. He told us to embrace these struggles, and acknowledged how chaotic life is. That was so refreshing to be seen while we were dealing with the tears and tantrums. The kids were so excited to get a dollar, and this man was so happy to give away something so simple to brighten someone’s day.

That moment stayed with me. A simple moment where a stranger wanted to brighten your day. Sort of offering a rainbow moment on the crosswalk. And it’s part of why I want to share what actually helped on this trip, in case it helps you too while traveling or daily routines.

I prioritized three things: early bedtimes and following routines from home (a general idea of it, not down to the exact T), eating every few hours to keep bellies full, and limiting screen time to avoid overstimulation. This may not work for all families though, so you gauge what works for yours best (adults and kids alike).

I found that putting the kids to bed even 20 minutes early helped them just relax. Even if they sang a song or chatted with each other, they would reset on their own. If we as adults need downtime, we can teach our children the idea of relaxing in a healthy way too.

I also made sure they were snacking and having something to eat every few hours. We were eating a lot of desserts, it is vacation, of course, so making sure some healthy snacks were in the mix really helped fight that hanger.

Lastly, I find that my kids get overstimulated with screens for a long time. I learned this while my kids were with us for my sister-in-law’s wedding. They would watch Cocomelon (sooo overstimulating!) for hours while we tried to do dance practices or participate in pre-wedding functions, and turn into absolute monsters when we turned it off. My kids get overstimulated with screens, yours may totally do well and transition off it easily!

Our family does a little better by a general routine so they know what to expect, and not every family is like that. You know yourself and your child best, so if it works differently in your family, totally do what is best for you! And biggest thing, lower expectations! Travel days are tiring enough as adults, and kids will also be affected by jet lag and exhaustion of running from one terminal to the next. Maintain sanity however you can, by going with the flow or keeping a regular routine. You know best!

When we returned home, the kids were back to using manners at the dinner table and not refusing requests. When I asked why they hadn’t done the same on the trip, V said, “We act nice in private, mama. Not in public.” Sounds good, kid, haha!

The innocence.

And I think that’s what I want to hold onto, all of it. The tantrums that end in “sorry mama, I love you.” The tears that come before the understanding. And the tiny hand that finds yours somewhere in the middle of the chaos, squeezes, and doesn’t let go. That elderly gentleman was right. Embrace it. All of it. Because one day, these will be the stories we tell.