I recently saw a meme that said, “We are one phone call away from a very different life.” Really important for us to remember that a moment can change the whole trajectory of our lives. This also really reminds us to take care of ourselves as much as we can, because no one can control the future. That meme really resonated with me in the last few days. We were just in Mexico, in the same location, took the same roads to the airport, as the unrest currently going on. I keep replaying that timing in my mind. I also keep wishing safety to those who are affected, not only there but all over the world.

Right now, I have feelings of gratitude that are humbling, a quiet heaviness mixed with relief.

This really reiterates something that my husband always talks about. How the future is unknown, how the past can only be full of regret, and really the only place to focus on is right now.

Sometimes that can be really hard. It can be hard when the daily routine takes over. When we need to pack backpacks for the next day, when someone spills something sticky on the floor, when a kid doesn’t sleep properly and wakes up very cranky. Suddenly, your nervous system is blaring an alarm, “This is an emergency!”

Most days, it isn’t.

When we traveled to Mexico, I had actually started writing a whole post about everything it took just to get there, full of all the logistics, delays, and melt-downs. I even made a point to say extra thank you’s to the TSA agents who were unbelievably patient with our crew of four boys, even while dealing with their own current job issues. Here is the sample post:

Went on a trip with hubs and 4 kids (ages 2-7yo) this weekend to Mexico. It was definitely a trip vs vacation. Apologized multiple times to the TSA agents for being so patient with us, as the kids were melting down on the floor. Or to the lounge staff for all the screaming in the Chase Sapphire Lounge because their tortilla chip was of the wrong shape. Or to the other passengers when deboarding, my third screamed his chin was feeling rough and demanded aquaphor and was writhing on the floor of the plane as I was trying to carry the 2 Cosco Finale out, while my husband was wrangling the other three out of the jet bridge. Or to the resort staff as the kids were going wild during all meals, while other vacationers were trying to motivate us that we got this! Well, during a failed photoshoot at the resort, all the kids were melting down and the poor photographer kept wanting to try. She tried to put them in a line to catch a sibling photo and as she is taking the photo, a bird poops on 3/4 of them. Well, that promptly ended the photo shoot from hell.

After I posted this, many commiserated about traveling with littles. And then someone said, “Little kids, little problems. Bigger kids, bigger problems.” And they are so right. In life, there will always be problems. Life isn’t rainbows all the time. We don’t live in a instagram story, on a filter, 24/7. On a whole, we get small glimpses of color daily and are marveling in the quiet miracle of avoiding darkness most days. That alone is worth noticing. That alone should warrant gratitude. Lately, I have been trying to practice simple signs of gratitude by taking a deep breath, closing my eyes for ten seconds in the car, and reminding myself that “This isn’t an emergency.”

I also recently learned how humming can calm our nerves. The vibration can stimulate the vagus nerve and help to shift your body out of a fight or flight state. The Cleveland Clinic describes how vagus nerve activation, by slow breathing and humming, can support relaxation and emotional regulation. So now, the boys will find me humming and they may find it silly initially, then they start to hum too! It helps.

I have also started trying something new I wanted to share: avoiding the word “but”. There is interesting research that shows when we say “but” our brains tend to discard everything before it. “I’m grateful, but I’m exhausted.” “I love my kids, but this is hard.” That one word can erase the good. Instead, I am practicing using “and”. “I’m grateful and I’m exhausted.” “I love my kids and this is hard.” Both can coexist and that is perfectly valid.

What this season of live is teaching me is how perspective matters. How the big and the little can live side by side. How a spilled coffee can feel overwhelming until you remember how quickly everything can change by a simple phone call. How a chaotic morning can feel unbearable until you realize you are safe and nothing is actually on fire. Right now isn’t an emergency. Being so close to something truly frightening reminded me how often my body treats ordinary moments like emergencies.

So I am choosing gratitude. I am choosing to focus on the now. I am choosing to allow myself to experience both the highs and the lows of life that coexist. I am choosing to notice the small colors in ordinary days, so that highlights the avoidance of darkness.

I am not perfect. I had a slip up again this last weekend, where I kept reverting back to thinking of the negative. To using “but” to cancel out the good. To highlighting the darkness instead of thinking of the color. I am still learning.

Learning positivity. Learning presence. Learning that sometimes the bravest thing we can do is pause, hum, breathe, and stay right here.