There are so many amazing parenting books, courses, and advisors out there compiling many useful techniques. As we all are inundated with so much information, it really is important to remember that we are all trying our best in raising these little humans to the best of our ability. Our generation, as well as all generations before us. Even as a parent or not, you are doing the best you can today. Your self today is different that yourself 10 years ago and yourself 10 years from now. Always give yourself grace for that person you once were, you are, and you will be.

While I have been focusing on how to connect with my children, I have found one goal the current generation is trying to focus on breaking from the traditional life and parenting skills of generations before us. That is not to say our parents and grandparents were wrong or had ill intent. We are wired to parent the way we were parented. They also were trying their best, they loved us and just wanted the best for us. But they were wired a certain way due to how they were raised based on where they grew up, when they grew up, and with who they grew up. It wasn’t their fault at all, it was more of a survival technique. Especially for those of use growing up in immigrant families, we could all relate to similar parenting styles when we were children. All our parents moved here from their home countries to a new country and had to survive and thrive, while raising a family. That must have been such a stressful time for them. We have the power now to not only parent our children, but also our inner child, in order to allow for healthy and happy futures.

I once saw a video of someone pouring dark water into a glass bowl, signifying that was the grandma’s life. That bowl was then poured into another glass bowl, signifying the mother. That bowl with the dark water was then poured into another bowl, signifying our generation, and continued to flow and overflow until it turned clear. Once it diluted, our generation’s bowl poured into the next one, signifying the next generation, a clear new water. This really hit home because it meant that we need to work very hard on ourselves to undo the trauma of the generations before us. Our families did not give birth to us with ill intent. Every generation before us had to endure different trials and tribulations and that affected how they raised their children. It is our job to now work on ourselves and work hard to clear up our trauma so that we can raise our children to be prepared to live life in a healthy way. Physical health is important but so is emotional health. We need to remind our children that all emotions are normal to feel and everything they feel is valid. Happiness is not the only feeling that is allowed. Life may not always be fair, but we have to learn and we have to learn how to guide our children how to allow themselves to feel those feelings and learn how to navigate through life in a healthy way. Essentially, we are parenting ourselves at the same time as we are parenting our children.

This is not to say ‘gentle parenting’ is easy. It is very very hard but it is also so rewarding. It truly is freeing us of the generational trauma that has been passed down and it will allow us to avoid our kids saying sorry to their childhood self. We need to allow our littles to feel the big feelings we even have, and to remind ourselves and our kids how to work through our emotions and move forward with a healthy state of mind.

One day in a therapy session, my therapist asked me to imagine the childhood version of myself. Initially, I was not inclined to do so, my brain just putting a halt to even envisioning this. But she insisted, and so there I saw the childhood version of myself in the poofy frock sitting on the floor. My therapist said, “Talk to her. What would you say?” I said to childhood me, “I am so sorry you will have to go through that.”

Ever since that day, I have felt so free of all the burden I felt on my shoulders. This burden that has been there since childhood. And I realized this is something I do not want my children to ever feel. That is when I understood that the type of parenting I had been striving to learn was even more important than ever. We all have to embrace our inner child.